This is a random compilation of some of my poems. I had a few requests to share more on here, so here you go. Fair warning, some might make you go "ew", so whatever. Enjoy.


-----------Scatterbrained---

Pick up the pieces,
Put them away,
Lock them away.

Eventually, it will make sense,
But not today, my friend.
It's not supposed to at first;
If it were, we'd be bored,
Always knowing the score,
Shunning the wonder of Ponder,
Enduring the power of "Ah Ha!",
In its own right, abused.
If always a moment like this,
Imagination is to abstinence.

Pull out the pieces,
Flip them around,
Throw them around.

Scatter your thoughts,
Confuse yourself,
Take a break,
And then Create!


November, 2012


-----------To Wakan Tanka---

Great Father!
Great Mystery!
Hear now!
Please hear me!

Who is accountable?
Whom can be blamed?
Two legged makers,
We're all ashamed!

Nothing is done
By today's masters
to fix all this
and these disasters.

Great Mother!
Great Wanderer!
Here now!
Please Heal me!

I am responsible
I am to blame
for that day
my ancestors came.

We raped this land
We came with Greed
Stopped at nothing
We came to breed.

Great Brothers!
Great Sisters!
Hear now!
Please help me!

Restore our waters
Clean up our lands
Not with our words
But with our hands.

There is still time
While we have light
To come together
For one great fight.

Great Leaders!
Great Warriors!
Here now!
Please hear me!

Nothing is to gain
By killing and taking
It only brings pain
These laws you're breaking

What can we write
But our own history
We bring Great Dishonor
To the Great Mystery!


November, 2012



-----------Being Foolish---

There it stands,
A statue of man
a monument
a colossus
a mistake

Carved in stones unturned,
Permanent reminders,
Regimes, Enforcement.
Cowardice, that this "thing" can last forever!

It is the opposite of intelligence,
That permanence can be wise.
A disguise created by man today,
That tomorrow can be destroyed.
A cover up, testament to power,
To tower over the weak minds
We're taught we have by they
Who betray and give us scraps,
To fight over, their gain, our loss.
To be humane or inane,
Whom has the right and why?
How could we be so damned foolish?

November, 2012


-----------Shameful---

Looking into the clouds that go by,
With figures full of laughter,
Thinking of the one that I love,
And the things I’m chasing after.
And things I want to say to all,
To make clear my thoughts by words,
But when I try to speak them,
They flutter away like a thousand birds.
The winds behind are pulling on me.
And still dream about things I seek.
The unearthly ballet of bloodless categories,
And old bums with whiskey in the streets,
They tell us their outrageous lore.
“The end is near” they cry to us.
But we laugh at them and ask for more.
And don’t think that they are dangerous.
Today children with guns give us a scare.
At school and at their own homes.
Then we wonder how they got there,
So evident we don’t really care.                                                                    
“Rebellion to tyrants is obedience to god”,
But what is rebellion from Him?
People don’t see they don’t fear Satan or sin,
But rather it is Him who holds the power.
Those who live free don’t seem to win,
Especially at their final living hour.
The mind has a million eyes,
But the crimson heart only one.
Yet the light of a whole life dies,
When the joy of a love is undone.
I ask for you to make this a better place,
The world is corrupt and forsaken,
Not just the youth, but the whole human race.
But these words are heard, and never taken.
Will we ever learn to take life seriously?
Or do we feel safe in our lies and mistrust?
Do we thrive on peace and security?
Or rebellion, drugs and lust?

May,    2001




                                                -----------Knot Kneaded---

Judgment… Generalizations.
Stagnant concepts of a regretfully unforgotten culture.
Grabbing only what is familiar,
Dispelling all that is not as unwanted.

Write, withdraw, explore, then conquer.
Straying from a path. What?
Oh, so it’s just a game after all.
A simple dance for the ill witted majority.

Ends tied for closure not perseverance.
Knots ready for the wounded to knit,
The power that only grows outward.
The least sought after slippery fish that knows naught.

Determined to fail to respond to doom,
They rule their world and we are the fish.
As the worms beneath their feet we march,
Without us, the air becomes the poison they fear.

Irrationally dished to these mouths the fodder of self.         
Difference is defiance to the uninformed,
Nonconformity is uniform and ally to the birds.
A whisper to the subconscious is all it takes for connections.

Willfully neutrally straddling the picket fences,
A blanket of security and sanctuary for those full of doubts,
Fearful of the possibilities not explored but theorized.
Dreading on these thoughts will make you one of them in the end.

May  2007


                        -----------What Happened?---

Remember, when we were happy
The days were short but sweet.
But now that we have changed
Those days are now obsolete.
What happened to you and me?
The idea of a stable relationship
Like flying birds, it’s free.
And we can’t grasp it at point blank
But we can let it fly away.
We have ourselves to thank.
I know you still don’t love me
Maybe it’s immature to you,
But it’s real to me, and you’ll see.

When I get a job will you love me?
If I save the world will you love me?
Or if I promise you the best things
A girl could ever wish for and even more
Is love material or is it just a hoax
An excuse to say you’re not a loser like me
And to live life with love to keep you alive?

I don’t know what you’re thinking,
But I think I know how you do.
I’ve dug my own ditch though
Just trying to keep a hold of you.
I would change my ways if I could,
Even give up my guitar and cut my hair.
But just in case, don’t knock on wood.
You are too dear to me, M’love,
Even on your very worst of days.

June 2001



    -----------Smoking With The Fay---

When I found myself in the city,
The walls beneath my feet, they fell.
Astonishing to think this thing so simple.
Wish me Will, but dread the thought,
The simplest things get lost in hell.

These city walls with laws outrageous!
Pierce my sides with lashing tongues,
How dare they try to encourage us!
And stomp us down into the C horizon?
We don’t belong or exist in separation,
We hesitate until our time runs out.
In the end, they’ll see, that peace may be
Offered into hands that are not devout!
Inside this labyrinth at the belly of my Fear,
Amidst the diversely separated I’ve found,
On the bottom of this barrel and onto the next,
I am decaying, yes, maybe yes, I am dying,
And shall continue to dive within the Earth,
Only to find the solidity overwhelming.

Cast me out in stones denied!
Send me back into the trees!
They respond with great songs,
But they are no different than me.

At last I find myself at home!
At last I can unclench my fists!
My old friends, welcome me back!
Your symphony is horribly missed!
What’s this what why no Fay?
Surely it hasn’t been too long,
Even in fog they come out to play
I’m back! I’m back home at last!
Where have you gone and why?
Am I no longer pure or sober?
Could vivid memories be a lie?
No, surly you hide from me.
I still remember your letter!
The trees are shy but always honest,
A tick on my neck greets me better.
Forgive my intrusion, I bid you fair well,
To Hell with you all to be lost when needed,
And to me as well, for getting so soiled.
Occasionally we too need to be weeded.    

My favorite spot, my secret holy ground,
The circle still spinning and calling.
That faint suggestion echoes in my dreams,
Letting me know why I keep falling.
Without my other half, my life is drained,
It feels like emptiness when you’re inside.
Inside the circle I left, I reentered standing up,
Outside I always remembered, outside I cried.
Knees deep in the mud, it’s there, my Fear,
Eying me down with a wet weathered brow.
This was my old escape, still hidden today,
It is here, the Fay’s Gate, I remember now!
Three pats on the ground, focusing my Will
I’m too nervous now and I can’t sit still!
One enters cautiously defending  her tribe,
Cautiously whispering, I desperately bribe.
But milk and honey it seems I’ve forgot.
So I opened my pockets and handed her pot
My breath taken as a tear froze at my chin,
These are humble beings that see past sin.
How selfish was I to assume in deed,
All they wanted was a little weed…
Within mortal moments in their embrace,
My circle vanishes without a trace.
Eyes closed and senses heightened
Standing naked but not frightened,
No character armor or insecurities,
Freedom from my eccentricities.
One flash, two, three, four, then five,
They remind me how it feels to be alive.
The time has run short I have to go,
Not to return until after the snow.
When spring comes, so shall my horns,
Then back home to my vines and thorns.
Seasons are too quick to lay to waste,
Winter is near and passes with haste.
Snow on my sleeping trees, give them rest,
Take care of them, they deserve the very best.
When the saplings bud, I shall return,
And while the Beltane bonfires burn,
You will see me again, with milk and honey,
And treasures beyond the worth of money.
Before I leave, please grant me one smile,
The one I haven’t felt for quite a while.
Help me remember to stay healthy,
And without the need to be wealthy.
Drunk with courage my feet do fly,
Back to my dwellings in the city.
Envying the scattered patches of trees,
Farmers tilling soil for the next crop,
Gawking at birds as they flyby so low,
Wondering, wandering, where is my home?
When I get back, where do I go and why?
Lost already with only three miles to go!
The city lights look so lazy, seem so ethereal,
Lingering foggy, hazy pain you can still feel
That is to say, “reality” now, is more surreal,
More complex, inane, virtually insane.
People to people, relying on each other,
Courthouse to steeple, stealing our sky.
We may ask, “who is authority and why?”
To get stones thrown at our fragile naivety,
Neighbors, constant reminders of the Nativity,
Natives even turn their heads and laugh.
They wave and pretend to understand,
Secretly laughing still at their own reflection,
Reacting only to securely hidden perfection,
Each perception reflecting in vacant minds,
Rewinding back to a time rich with honor,
Horror reaching back, tongues still lashing,
Laughing with them inside a green sphere,
Here is my home, but where is Here?
Phantoms fade in and out then sway in the wind,
The raging fires subside in the morning dew,
The Earth beneath me is now above, what now?
My spirit is left in the trees back home,
Stashed away for 12 days till the new year.
At 11:03 on that day and on each to pass,
Every 12 hours, a knock, a haunting despair,
Everywhere at that time at once to Self,
Three drops to catch to prove that I care,
The blinking wonderful eyes of my Elf.
To gaze inside hazel crystals is my bliss.
Lips still to steal or to let be for me is death!
Half of me but no half to share, taken by eyes,
Silly to show pity slowly devolving into infancy,
Faster, faster I run, not to hide, search, or beg,
No, slow I am, too slippery this fish is to stay.

My world doesn’t belong inside my head,
It stands without me below it’s grasp,
Above I march, falling once returning
But once below, my flame stops burning.
It may take a step or two or three,
To remind me why I march onward,
Chasing the sunrise every morning,
As The Fool cries out  “You Coward!”
Is it right then, for me to look back?
The half of me standing alone weeping,
Back there where I once gave a damn,
Pleads to keep promises worth keeping.
Acknowledged and ignored, hypocrite!
Stupidity! Stupendous superstitions!
It makes me ill to even think of it.
To be one with a dying half again,
Now there Is something to ponder.
By chance oneness is possible today,
Infinitesimal possibilities to weigh.
Baroque abandoned compassion fleeting,
A wish tomorrow was granted yesterday,
Before the distention distracted meaning,
Today it is more so a leaning chair outside,
Topsoil tapestries elaborate more clearly,
This feeling that eats at my spirit denied!
Freedom! Briefly, anyway, where to?
Free domination, incarcerated, damnation,
Confined again by Earthly cells and terms,
Congratulated for becoming obedient,
After only learning how to use chaos.
Spears and spells mock my intuition.

Fix my bed, shave my head, call me yours,
I am mine, my own mind, me and I so there!
Do you see how easy it is to forget something?
To dance away in this dream of equations?
To dream up equations to explain one thing?
One idea gives birth to another immaculately,
As if to tell us that this can be that and so on.
Think. Thinking, believing stones don’t break.
Imagine, if you Will, a quiet place unmasked,
Virgin footsteps pounding bleakly, awakening,
The other eye winks at a passerby obliviously,
Idioms and synchronicities stretching the nerves,
A flash, dispatching chemicals, realization,
Is this what nirvana is like? What next?
These feet don’t dare to tread those waters.
Murky at best, be lest detested and endured.
Adored by others, not me, I pass it for more.
The Fool, I am. I am a fool for saying so.
Foolish indeed to believe in these things.
Even more so foolish is to even Believe.
So much to undo, too much to be seen,
Scrapings so scathed and pure white,
Think I might even make a call tonight.
Coming out of my shell, resurrection?
Maybe. Who knows but the wise hero?
Where would he be in time of need?
What if? Maybe, he is actually She?
Slithering into my beloved Sergij!
How dare she! But welcome, she is.
Will a book teach me? Will seven?
What lyceum lies beyond that epistle?
Float back in time to another worry,
Save this for scrapbook entry quotes.
In ten years, tell me what you think.
Because my confusion is meandering.
Imagination is there for one wink,
Then gone again, fumbling at return,
Tricky, shifty little nasties pricking,
Adding to the chaos’ impending rise.

The simplest things, indeed, do get lost in Hell.

September 2008




                                                -----------Unnumb---


Before you pick up that gun,
And try to run from what’s in store,
Wash your face,
Go outside,
Look at the Sun,
You will become unnumb.

Engage in wonders,
Evade from trivial nuances.
You want to feel wonderful,
All you have to do is smile.

Walking in rain can make you numb,
Or finding comfort in the mundane.
Walk in the garden, soak up the Sun
You’re not the only one who feels pain.

Walk for days entranced for love of light
Swim to the burning mountain behind the blithe
Extinguish the flames with Earth and tears
Fears are forged from running for so many years.

I
Just
Want you
To smile again
Let me help you laugh
We can laugh all day if you want
We can hold hands while walking in the park
Or sing some songs that aren’t so dark

Your soft words have created a delusion.
Spoken kind hearted, dismissed in a vacant eye
My kindness rewarded your judgment,
But your actions compromised your careless sighs.
All that I wanted was to learn to laugh
And laughing is all I do when I’m thinking of you
If my words neglect to express a caring appeal,
Erase my dreams for they are all I knew.

Find comfort in knowing that somewhere out there
Some one too withdrawn to know what is real
A person too naïve to consider their options
Keeps fighting the urge to show how they feel

Hiding in a box
Afraid of the world
Peeking here and there
Through a hole he spies
Some one’s hypnotic eyes
Looking back
And asking why
He's reaching out
With this reply.



July  2008


                           -----------Art Formations---

Concealing  itself inside forged fortified reinforced walls,
Plagiarized spirit bestows informal inconsequential concern.
Narrow planked caskets never fill themselves with rubbish,
The ever popular instincts withdraw obligated intuition.

Melting down bare veins and arteries the wax of the immortal
Disks and obelisks foreshadowing eternal closure subdued.
Vanquishing the famished insecurities manifest esoterically,
Strong holding perfection denies prerequisite acknowledgement.

September 2007


                                    -----------Broken Love---

You took me in and held me,
You held my hand and thanked me,
For being there for you.
You know my heart is breaking,
It’s no longer for the taking,
But it’s still there for you.

You let my arms surround you,
When memories that bound you,
Came crying out to me.
I know that they still bind you,
My love still tries to find you,
But why can you not see?

I’m not going to cry,
No, I won’t shed a tear,
Because it’s not worth it.
No, you’re not worth it.
Was it a waste of time,
Or just one big mistake?
To say “I love you.”
To think I loved you.

I’m hiding behind,
A million miles of black and red,
And I can’t help but to,
Feel like I am dead.

Goodbye…
I’ve got to say goodbye.
No matter how hard I try,
I still can’t say goodbye…

June 2001


         -----------Reflections In Sand---

Before you say another word or assume I have said my next,
Please realize that I am a boy with adult things to say.
Aside from my intellectual, spiritual, martial, and ritual studies,
A psychologist was born, with one too many hearts scorn.

To ask for one, just one, to be by my side for family sakes,
Is more for two by just one moment  for one who’s step takes,
Beyond an ego or two to suffice for loss of love a term once lost,
Avenging only the self, the regret one can bare to live one more day.
So in these few minutes, an inconvenience to unconventional timing,
An essence tossed, to decay in time for one last moment relayed.

Always at the depths of my deepest pits of despair and depression,
There has always been an image of past portrayed in one expression,
That two people, maybe a few more have seen pass, through the edge,
But only one that I can recall from the days of youth and on to the next,
A simple text could not say a few words to express thousands of moments,
Thousands of dreams, awaking to weep to move to one day swept under,                  
To dream again of faces and tears yet to taste, of lips to kiss laid to waste,
Of promises kept but swept under burning bridges left to explore today,
And countless hours still building barriers in the subconscious unraveled.

Denying a simple reply to this boy as easy as saying “hi” to a passerby,
Please, if you will, if only a letter or a number would suffice to me,
A word or two letting me know if you are okay or well enough to say,
“how do you do?” or “have a nice day” would be more than enough,
Simple as it may seem, to give me enough courage to move on to tomorrow,
To swallow my stinginess, pride, and sorrow, and motivate one more day.

I’ve tried to forget, leave it to me to decide to betray promises kept,
“Love always and forever” isn’t easily passed aside as one could admit,
But still in four words a promise was kept, and for seven years wept,
This boy who speaks of adult things in still just a shell to be cracked,
With many attempts by those whom lost these veins and cells’ voice,
Spoken up to just one, and a quiet mouse among the world at large,
A vocal portraiture in images translated but misinterpreted by they,
Those who say they know this voice today are all but one betrayed.

Words tossed asunder, left to render, right to be said by truthful tongue,
The truth still searches for that one, the high priestess, the love I lost,
The most powerful deity one could ask for in the flesh manifests in dreams,
Painfully missed and so it seems a hand once held be set free from this,
Is constantly drawn back to an insignificant being in rains stagnating,
Unable to look past the one person trapped in a promise held eternally,
In contracts unwritten, withdrawn from divine mandates kept internally,
Incandescently begging like a scrapping young dog itching its thumbs,

Writing poems of becoming unnumb, but still a lifeless shell of seven years,
With loves passing in these pools of tears on ramshackle ferries of mendacity,
Determined to fail to float on boarding sighs of one trapped in memories,
An everlasting, self perpetuating, mundane atrocity subdued tranquility,
Fermenting wastes beyond French delicacies a whisper in the foggy embrace,
If only a handful of words could say how strongly felt this foreign emotion,
A hand once held beholding their own weight and shoes unfit to tread,
A voice from the past echoing with dread to thine ears and eyes beheld,
This whisper whimpered is a breath of fresh air but still poison is it?

December  2008



                                          -----------A Wink Away---

Tip. Toe. Tip. Toe. Tip. Toe!
Staggering around the corner,
A phantom hands its shadow a glass of red wine.
The pulse of the house grows louder and less steady,
And vines suffocate your safely hidden shrine.

Your scent has been picked up.
Fear becomes paranoia, you are your only friend.
These unseen creatures spawn from your head and manifest
And pull at the hairs on your neck that stand on end.

Walk with me to safety,
I’ll give you comfort,
From these constant Nightmares.

Prepare yourself,
Prepare your Self.
You do not know, what you’ve gotten into.
Learn from me my friend,
I’ll give you security,
Your dream is My Reality!

At least you’re not alone,
I have thousands of  you,
I’ve collected them all,
From your memories of youth!

Downstairs! Slowly! You fall…
Death now stares at you all,
Making faces, watching you cry,
Don’t give up now, there’s still time to die.

February  2007


                                        -----------Closed Lids---

You’re reaching in when you know nothing is there
While you’re crying out wondering why I care
I speak in hidden truths and misspelled lies
Misleading you to something beyond those eyes.

Life is just a game to me but when I feel your fingertips.
I can no longer breath and I lock in on your lips.
One kiss can change my world but do I want it to be now?
Have you the right to steal my affection and if so, how?

Slowly dissipating realization,
Habitual thoughts reoccur.
I know it’s not my imagination,
Teach me how I can be for sure.
Beyond the lights, below the clouds,
Humanistic integrity is shaking.
I’m ready to give up my vows,
For the craft I have been creating.

March 2008

              -----------My Hand Once Held---

Midtown screaming,
Irritable screeching,
Crickets chirping,
Waking dreaming,
Help the weather keep me dry.

Knots still weaving,
Mesmerizing weeping,
Memorizing, seeking,
Chasing the evening,
Rain on me and help me cry.

Love still peeking,
Scars still creeping,
Insecurities drinking,
As I keep thinking,
Don’t ask how but tell me why.

No use caring,
Useless wearing,
Thinning, tearing,     
Always overbearing,
My hand once held waves good bye.

Softly touching,
Silently laughing,
Quietly inspiring,
As I keep thinking,
A hand to hold, but still too shy.

A distant meeting,
A subtle greeting,
Depression fleeting,
As I keep singing,
A whisper once helped me fly.

July  2008

                        -----------Excommunicated---

Joyful days of past have decayed within your rage.
Speechless days of past have screamed within your rage.
Pickled brains, feeble brawn, from dusk to dawn.
Distilled spirit, folly soul, heart black as coal.
Blind sighted, deafened voyeur, you foolishly use.
Childish braggart, family turned to shit on your shoes.
These named faces with broken flaming blades.
They burry their chests from you, eyes, cascades.
Mistaken as a youth, you’ll never know the truth.
Car crash crumble, walk run tumble and flee.
They cry for your love as you evade with haste.
Bloody hands, eh, are you enjoying the taste?
Future equals past, they’re shit in the fan.
Present equals now, still time to be a man.
Two faced clown, going up and back down.
These named faces bound, just look around.
Gutted and severed, burnt, drowned, and buried.
Guess you don’t remember why you got married.

January 2002



-----------Donations For The Damned---

The ending of a story always begins with a plot.
But stories never end. They just discontinue.

Right hand heart reach left twisted neck,
March right left, right left right left
Knock, knock crumbling walls we’ll destroy,
Hekas, Hekas, Este Bebeloi!

Enter!
Tame the wild beast that sleeps beneath your feet.
Nourish men of the wind that creeps to your defeat.
Torch the forgotten child that sleeps on shitty streets.
Drown the stone making wife, locked keys you keep!

Down
Fall down
Rebuild
Revolve!

I just keep knocking but the walls won’t come down
They keep growing as I piss on the ground
My head is caving in!
(don’t let the pressure get to you)
My enemy is going to win!
(your dreams will never come true)

Help me!
I want to fly to the clouds
But they keep swallowing me,
So fucking irritating.
Help me!
I can no longer swim
I hear you reaching in
But I’m going to drown.
Help me!
Help me?
I can no longer help my self.

It’s kind of like dreaming
When every thing goes wrong
It’s kind of like singing
When you’re singing the wrong song.

August 2008

              -----------Rhetoric Dormancy---

On no other hand have I yet sworn,
No clothes worn nor mind bent down,
Deep within the shallow zoned eyes,
Is the name that I have grown to despise.

Is it a shame for me to feel such anger?
To have a stranger would be my demise!
But if I could, suppose I try to move on.
My will is crushed with my goddess gone.

Dearly divine who’s name is still wept,
Cast yourself down to my level!
Bring me your mind and make me adept,
And keep us safe from the Devil.

August 2003



                -----------Common Reflections---


I found a mirror in the back of my mind.
It speaks false things that when put together,
Entomb spheres that tears are left to tether,
Intertwined silver chords still seek to find,
A common ground between this world and mine.

Should it rest, be lest forgotten or shattered?
Shall I fight it? Hide inside it? Try to shine?
Show the planet this unscented world of mine?
If it dies with me, would it have even mattered?
Will the chords intone and leave my wings tattered?

July 2008





All above poems © Troy L. Coots, Draconicon Publications. Please don't rip them off, but if you do, be tasteful.